What do you reckon of my (extremely short!) writing?
I love criticism as long as you give me pointers as well. this is a little slice in the first few pages of my story that i think I could use relieve with. It's only two paragraphs.
It would be a sprawl to say I got my blue eyes from him because of their difference. His eyes were a plain, foggy blue that seemed to deepen, penetrating far into his head. Their down shade seemed impossible since blue eyes were usually light. The strange, solid color have no character, just a puddle of paint around his large pupils.
My eyes however be a blizzard of colors, a mixture of grey and blue and occasionally white. I could never tell you what color they were exactly, as they often changed according to guaranteed situations. My eyes habitually depicted my feelings. They were the shattered mirrors, reflecting my sentiments.
Answers:
Your prose is a tad on the purple side, however you enjoy definatley grasped the concept of adjectives.
You really have a good grasp of words and description. This give a really clear image of each of their eyes. I liked the metaphors, especially "only a puddle of paint around his large pupils" and "shattered mirrors". Those are lovely. However, one tip is to avoid purple prose. You don't want to write the whole book this way. Then the descriptions might become overkill.
Good luck! =)
Hi, Maddy! I hope the paragraphs quoted above are to constitute the debut part of your story. It'd be very fortunate if this were the crust, because in this way you will have already stated something around the characters, including, conceivably, their hidden complexities, thus giving the reader the feeling he/she is involved with the plot and the characters right from the start. An imperative contained by a short story. (Is it a short story?)
One little criticism: Do you need to say: "... because of their difference"? As one reads on the principle becomes clear, so why needlessly stress the fact of there self a difference (unless of course such emphasis is justified through some other passage)? There's something contradictory in that sentence, something bordering on a mistake!
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Please sentence structure usage! how should i write this?
ˇ°can I help you two? i've never seen you guys around here before, orcan i serve you two, i've never seen you guys around here before. Can I help you two, I haven't seen you around here before. If it isn't dialogue, don't use quotation marks.May I help you two? I've never see...
It would be a sprawl to say I got my blue eyes from him because of their difference. His eyes were a plain, foggy blue that seemed to deepen, penetrating far into his head. Their down shade seemed impossible since blue eyes were usually light. The strange, solid color have no character, just a puddle of paint around his large pupils.
My eyes however be a blizzard of colors, a mixture of grey and blue and occasionally white. I could never tell you what color they were exactly, as they often changed according to guaranteed situations. My eyes habitually depicted my feelings. They were the shattered mirrors, reflecting my sentiments.
Answers:
Your prose is a tad on the purple side, however you enjoy definatley grasped the concept of adjectives.
You really have a good grasp of words and description. This give a really clear image of each of their eyes. I liked the metaphors, especially "only a puddle of paint around his large pupils" and "shattered mirrors". Those are lovely. However, one tip is to avoid purple prose. You don't want to write the whole book this way. Then the descriptions might become overkill.
Good luck! =)
Hi, Maddy! I hope the paragraphs quoted above are to constitute the debut part of your story. It'd be very fortunate if this were the crust, because in this way you will have already stated something around the characters, including, conceivably, their hidden complexities, thus giving the reader the feeling he/she is involved with the plot and the characters right from the start. An imperative contained by a short story. (Is it a short story?)
One little criticism: Do you need to say: "... because of their difference"? As one reads on the principle becomes clear, so why needlessly stress the fact of there self a difference (unless of course such emphasis is justified through some other passage)? There's something contradictory in that sentence, something bordering on a mistake!
Related Questions:
I have need of to write a abc book on outsiders what can i write for x?
did aneone get an x-ray by ane chance? lol. that's a tricky one. look up words that start with x=) http://www.crosswordsolver.org/definitioˇ http://www.wordbyletter.com/words_startiˇ http://www.yourdictionary.com/dictionaryˇ http://www.kidsfront.com/activity-books/ˇ did they honour xmas in the book? it's been a while since I've read the book.good luck =)answer...
Please sentence structure usage! how should i write this?
ˇ°can I help you two? i've never seen you guys around here before, orcan i serve you two, i've never seen you guys around here before. Can I help you two, I haven't seen you around here before. If it isn't dialogue, don't use quotation marks.May I help you two? I've never see...