I necessitate some friendly criticism? Please backing.?
I think this is pretty good, but I'm not really sure. It's the beginning of a book I'm writing. I own 8 chapters finished, plus the preface. So I just want some advice/criticism. I'm only 14, by the passageway, so I am aware that it won't be the best.
Preface
I’d always thought life would forever stay the same. I connote, that’s how it usually works right? At least that’s how I saw it.
Every single day of my life I would sit and stare at every soul who happen to walk by. I would watch them, study them, and observe every movement they made. And while I did that I would reflect on.
I would think about their lives. I would try to guess from what I knew just about the person, what was going on in their lives. And whenever I truly figured it out as a fact it would always be indistinguishable. First, they’re happy. Then they are heartbroken. And next entry you know they have someone in their lives to keep them joyous for the rest of their lives.
But what if I was different than anything that’s ever existed? Not like the way the Protectors and The Hunted are different from human personality, but different even further than that.
And I was different, which might have been why I tried so not easy to keep my fellow Protectors happy with me. Because I know they’d never fully trusted me because of those broken rules. But you can’t always live to satisfy others. Eventually you must also satisfy yourself as okay.
But what if it seems like you were born to serve? Sometimes when you finally do something to fashion yourself happy, nature doesn’t accept the modification and throws it back in your face, forcing you vertebrae to the beginning again.
I could never understand life, and I’m not sure I do very soon. But I do know that somehow I treasure it; somehow it now holds more meaning to me than it did before. It’s strange how surrounded by only a few years a person can change contained by so many ways.
Chapter 1: Brotherly Love
“Victoria?” Adele’s voice came from beside me. “Victoria, what is it?” She sounded anxious now. But her voice be so far away
The world around me had fallen into nothingness. I was staring straight ahead at the scene emerging back me. I gasped again.
They came all at once, their stride never faltering. Last weeks scuffle, with their enormous force of bears have not been worse than this. This made that battle look easy. Even when Jocelyn have come herself to the battle four months earlier it had not be this terrible.
Without thinking I tried to force my legs to move forward. I wanted to get closer to this situation. I know what was happening and I knew they couldn’t see me. But I also know I wasn’t really seeing them, either.
My mind struggled against the onslaught of images, which would almost certainly be glued to the depths of my mind in the near adjectives. I did not want to see this; I never had wanted to see this in the first place. But that be not my decision to make.
Even the screaming in the distance could not verbs me out of this state. My mind, though trying to escape, was also striving to memorize the details. I knew it would be over soon and that it was my duty to replay this scene to Adele.
I saw it later, the one thing that made the whole occurrence even stranger; the one article that erased all the doubt in my mind of what was to come. Finally I be able to concentrate on the specifics instead of the general idea of things.
I focused my go over on the oddity in the mock field and tried to see the facade clearer. A name tugged at the back of my mind. And then the area disappeared from around me. The grass was gone and I was standing on concrete. I opened my eyes and flinched subsidise as the sun burned into my eyes.
“Tori! Tori, please answer me. Look at me, Victoria!” This is what had pulled me away from the scene. This specific voice had always have that effect on me. It was Jason.
I closed my eyes to block out the sun. It burned my eyes and was temporarily impairing my eyesight. And I didn’t want to see Jason’s facade right now. He had interrupted my reverie and that was something I’d never enjoy to have happen, especially when I was close to an epiphany.
“Victoria?” Jason sounded worried now, no longer anxious.
Well, I thought. He should be worried. But not about me.
“You are such an idiot,” I complained, enunciating each word cooperatively.
“What?” He replied in confusion.
I huffed and then raised my voice for a while to show him I was serious. “You pulled me from my vision…Again. When are you gonna learn…” I bit my lip, silently scolding myself for letting myself begin this fit again.
“But, I-I thought…” He trailed off. “I didn’t want you to be close to that again.”
My eyes flew open. “What are you talking about? I be seeing something extremely important, Jason!” I took a deep breath and then go on. I ignored his flinch when I called him by his full name. “I saw-I saw someone. One of The Hunter. And I be kind of having an epiphany as to who it was when you suddenly are screaming within my ear for me to wake up just to answer you! That was so
Answers:
I think your book is awesome so far!! You should definitely hold going with it!! Would you mind emailing me what you have? My brother's name is Jason... abnormal! That's really good though! I hope this helps!! Sorry if it doesn't!! :D
Wow, it is very very apposite. Please keep writing :)
i honestly think that its righteous. And i'm 15 and working on two stories. one by myslf, and another with a friend.
By the way, if you ever wonder if your writing style is good, read a book by a right author or two and notice how they word and describe things. It helps me.
YES, i think it is really appropriate, i to am writing a book but i must tell you, you should post your work on something like this because there are individuals who do take credit for something like this, its happened to me once beforehand. so remember that but keep up the good work your doing great. : ] Source(s): im a writer....
Stunning! I am totally hooked, want to find out more roughly this narrator & what's going on here. I think either you're lying just about being 14, or you've spent the past 10 years doing nothing but reading & writing. It doesn't requirement editing; nothing's awkward, wordy, or unclear. I expect to see this in print before long, unless the plot itself turns out to be delicate. (I've seen novels fail despite a great concept, characters, etc., for removal of a believable plot with suspense & surprises.)
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Preface
I’d always thought life would forever stay the same. I connote, that’s how it usually works right? At least that’s how I saw it.
Every single day of my life I would sit and stare at every soul who happen to walk by. I would watch them, study them, and observe every movement they made. And while I did that I would reflect on.
I would think about their lives. I would try to guess from what I knew just about the person, what was going on in their lives. And whenever I truly figured it out as a fact it would always be indistinguishable. First, they’re happy. Then they are heartbroken. And next entry you know they have someone in their lives to keep them joyous for the rest of their lives.
But what if I was different than anything that’s ever existed? Not like the way the Protectors and The Hunted are different from human personality, but different even further than that.
And I was different, which might have been why I tried so not easy to keep my fellow Protectors happy with me. Because I know they’d never fully trusted me because of those broken rules. But you can’t always live to satisfy others. Eventually you must also satisfy yourself as okay.
But what if it seems like you were born to serve? Sometimes when you finally do something to fashion yourself happy, nature doesn’t accept the modification and throws it back in your face, forcing you vertebrae to the beginning again.
I could never understand life, and I’m not sure I do very soon. But I do know that somehow I treasure it; somehow it now holds more meaning to me than it did before. It’s strange how surrounded by only a few years a person can change contained by so many ways.
Chapter 1: Brotherly Love
“Victoria?” Adele’s voice came from beside me. “Victoria, what is it?” She sounded anxious now. But her voice be so far away
The world around me had fallen into nothingness. I was staring straight ahead at the scene emerging back me. I gasped again.
They came all at once, their stride never faltering. Last weeks scuffle, with their enormous force of bears have not been worse than this. This made that battle look easy. Even when Jocelyn have come herself to the battle four months earlier it had not be this terrible.
Without thinking I tried to force my legs to move forward. I wanted to get closer to this situation. I know what was happening and I knew they couldn’t see me. But I also know I wasn’t really seeing them, either.
My mind struggled against the onslaught of images, which would almost certainly be glued to the depths of my mind in the near adjectives. I did not want to see this; I never had wanted to see this in the first place. But that be not my decision to make.
Even the screaming in the distance could not verbs me out of this state. My mind, though trying to escape, was also striving to memorize the details. I knew it would be over soon and that it was my duty to replay this scene to Adele.
I saw it later, the one thing that made the whole occurrence even stranger; the one article that erased all the doubt in my mind of what was to come. Finally I be able to concentrate on the specifics instead of the general idea of things.
I focused my go over on the oddity in the mock field and tried to see the facade clearer. A name tugged at the back of my mind. And then the area disappeared from around me. The grass was gone and I was standing on concrete. I opened my eyes and flinched subsidise as the sun burned into my eyes.
“Tori! Tori, please answer me. Look at me, Victoria!” This is what had pulled me away from the scene. This specific voice had always have that effect on me. It was Jason.
I closed my eyes to block out the sun. It burned my eyes and was temporarily impairing my eyesight. And I didn’t want to see Jason’s facade right now. He had interrupted my reverie and that was something I’d never enjoy to have happen, especially when I was close to an epiphany.
“Victoria?” Jason sounded worried now, no longer anxious.
Well, I thought. He should be worried. But not about me.
“You are such an idiot,” I complained, enunciating each word cooperatively.
“What?” He replied in confusion.
I huffed and then raised my voice for a while to show him I was serious. “You pulled me from my vision…Again. When are you gonna learn…” I bit my lip, silently scolding myself for letting myself begin this fit again.
“But, I-I thought…” He trailed off. “I didn’t want you to be close to that again.”
My eyes flew open. “What are you talking about? I be seeing something extremely important, Jason!” I took a deep breath and then go on. I ignored his flinch when I called him by his full name. “I saw-I saw someone. One of The Hunter. And I be kind of having an epiphany as to who it was when you suddenly are screaming within my ear for me to wake up just to answer you! That was so
Answers:
I think your book is awesome so far!! You should definitely hold going with it!! Would you mind emailing me what you have? My brother's name is Jason... abnormal! That's really good though! I hope this helps!! Sorry if it doesn't!! :D
Wow, it is very very apposite. Please keep writing :)
i honestly think that its righteous. And i'm 15 and working on two stories. one by myslf, and another with a friend.
By the way, if you ever wonder if your writing style is good, read a book by a right author or two and notice how they word and describe things. It helps me.
YES, i think it is really appropriate, i to am writing a book but i must tell you, you should post your work on something like this because there are individuals who do take credit for something like this, its happened to me once beforehand. so remember that but keep up the good work your doing great. : ] Source(s): im a writer....
Stunning! I am totally hooked, want to find out more roughly this narrator & what's going on here. I think either you're lying just about being 14, or you've spent the past 10 years doing nothing but reading & writing. It doesn't requirement editing; nothing's awkward, wordy, or unclear. I expect to see this in print before long, unless the plot itself turns out to be delicate. (I've seen novels fail despite a great concept, characters, etc., for removal of a believable plot with suspense & surprises.)
Related Questions:
Critical Analysis composition on Animal Farm book?
i need help...i read the book but im still lost.. i have to write a critique more or less this book. it is imitating the french revolution and each character symbolizes someone within the revolution.. so it would help to research that and find who is who and connect them Shmoop should be able to help...
Do you use computer-generated or solid name when writing a book?
When you write a book, are you not allowed to use people's real names?Is it different depending on the book?Like autobiographies, fiction, non-fiction, ect? Alot of authors choose to write using a pseudonym. I suppose it basically protects their identity and makes them sound cooler and more mysterious. I think you...