What do you chew over of the start of my chapter?
I am writing from four point of views (4 different dormitory mates) and this is my first girl. What do you think?
It's only rough, im simply 15 and learning
Chapter One
WTF – Not our usual dormitories
Taylor
Ominous and looming, scary and ugly – that’s how I would enjoy liked to describe Tasmin’s Ladies College of Melbourne, but I couldn’t. And although I was petrified, and the thought of having to socialise beside the famous money earners and millionaires of Australia was enormously daunting, I couldn’t help out but let excitement flood through my veins, igniting imagery in my mind. I would be known if I went to this college. I would be someone, and everyone would want to be that someone. That’s how I perceived the school and its students anyway. I have heard almost the school numerous times, even in my home town of Perth. It was where on earth the Mayor of Perth’s daughter attended, and any normal girl dreamt about going there. I of late hoped the Sandstone building with its perfect, green hedges lived up to those expectations... I be sure they would.
As I got out of our car, stepping into the school’s shadow I said goodbye to those other thoughts that lurked in my mind – the ones I would not conjecture about again, the ones that would ruin me and my life if anyone found out about them. They be the thoughts of why I was really at the school, and how I really got here – I tight, my immediate family is far from being rich, and my mother be is n no right mind to send me somewhere more... practical.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” my mum asked me, her tired grey eyes watery as she searched my obverse – I told you, she was in no right mind.
“Yes mum, I’m sure. You don’t have to verbs, just look after yourself, and call... as long as you don’t ask if I’m ok again.” I smiled at her and she did her best attempt to return it, personally I would to some extent her usual pained face.
With one more hug, I pulled my suitcase out of the car boot and turned my subsidise on my wispy-haired, worried mother. I didn’t want her to know I was worried about her; she had satisfactory to deal with. I breathed a deep sigh again and despite myself, the excitement trickled hindmost, I was now a student at Tasmin’s.
Answers:
I resembling this beginning. You are on a good start and I like how you are portraying the first girl so far. It is, WOW. Your philosophy are flowing together and I think that it will be a great chapter keep it up.
i like it. its interesting although its a little unusual for me to read because i live in Melbourne. :) otherwise i think that its a rather accurate beginning, you set the scene and introduced the character pretty well.
It's good, but beside a few easy changes you can make it great. I would suggest you throw a hook into your piece. Use something exciting within the first sentence to really capture the audience's attention. Loud descriptive words usually work for me. Good luck and best wishes!
wow it is interesting.....you keep me wanting for more...
Related Questions:
Would you recommend One hundred years of solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez?
Please no spoilers. Honestly, I haven't read it. However, I'm currently reading Love in the Time of Cholera, and his writing is gripping and vivid. I've been told that One Hundred Years of Solitude is even better. So, sight unseen, I'd recommend it.
Would this be virtuous for a new-fangled individuality?
Name - Derek Nickname -noneAge -15Hair Color -BlondeEye Color -Gray Any Scars or Distinguishing Marks -Spiral around armBuild or Body Type -MuscularHeight -5 foot 9 inchesWeight -147 lbs.Mother -deadFather -deadBrothers -Scott (alive)Sisters - Allyson(alive)Best Friend - Kiera (age-14)Other Friends -Ray (age-14) & Charlie (age-15)Secrets - He has the ability of Dark Magic. That consists of-...
It's only rough, im simply 15 and learning
Chapter One
WTF – Not our usual dormitories
Taylor
Ominous and looming, scary and ugly – that’s how I would enjoy liked to describe Tasmin’s Ladies College of Melbourne, but I couldn’t. And although I was petrified, and the thought of having to socialise beside the famous money earners and millionaires of Australia was enormously daunting, I couldn’t help out but let excitement flood through my veins, igniting imagery in my mind. I would be known if I went to this college. I would be someone, and everyone would want to be that someone. That’s how I perceived the school and its students anyway. I have heard almost the school numerous times, even in my home town of Perth. It was where on earth the Mayor of Perth’s daughter attended, and any normal girl dreamt about going there. I of late hoped the Sandstone building with its perfect, green hedges lived up to those expectations... I be sure they would.
As I got out of our car, stepping into the school’s shadow I said goodbye to those other thoughts that lurked in my mind – the ones I would not conjecture about again, the ones that would ruin me and my life if anyone found out about them. They be the thoughts of why I was really at the school, and how I really got here – I tight, my immediate family is far from being rich, and my mother be is n no right mind to send me somewhere more... practical.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” my mum asked me, her tired grey eyes watery as she searched my obverse – I told you, she was in no right mind.
“Yes mum, I’m sure. You don’t have to verbs, just look after yourself, and call... as long as you don’t ask if I’m ok again.” I smiled at her and she did her best attempt to return it, personally I would to some extent her usual pained face.
With one more hug, I pulled my suitcase out of the car boot and turned my subsidise on my wispy-haired, worried mother. I didn’t want her to know I was worried about her; she had satisfactory to deal with. I breathed a deep sigh again and despite myself, the excitement trickled hindmost, I was now a student at Tasmin’s.
Answers:
I resembling this beginning. You are on a good start and I like how you are portraying the first girl so far. It is, WOW. Your philosophy are flowing together and I think that it will be a great chapter keep it up.
i like it. its interesting although its a little unusual for me to read because i live in Melbourne. :) otherwise i think that its a rather accurate beginning, you set the scene and introduced the character pretty well.
It's good, but beside a few easy changes you can make it great. I would suggest you throw a hook into your piece. Use something exciting within the first sentence to really capture the audience's attention. Loud descriptive words usually work for me. Good luck and best wishes!
wow it is interesting.....you keep me wanting for more...
Related Questions:
Would you recommend One hundred years of solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez?
Please no spoilers. Honestly, I haven't read it. However, I'm currently reading Love in the Time of Cholera, and his writing is gripping and vivid. I've been told that One Hundred Years of Solitude is even better. So, sight unseen, I'd recommend it.
Would this be virtuous for a new-fangled individuality?
Name - Derek Nickname -noneAge -15Hair Color -BlondeEye Color -Gray Any Scars or Distinguishing Marks -Spiral around armBuild or Body Type -MuscularHeight -5 foot 9 inchesWeight -147 lbs.Mother -deadFather -deadBrothers -Scott (alive)Sisters - Allyson(alive)Best Friend - Kiera (age-14)Other Friends -Ray (age-14) & Charlie (age-15)Secrets - He has the ability of Dark Magic. That consists of-...