Does this sentence (of when the girl is getting killed) product sense to you/ takeover your attention?
hehe here it is;
I looked into the eyes of death and I knew there be no place to run. I could not and would not be able to hide from death. Not merely because I couldn’t, but because I didn’t want to. Death eased the burning in my chest, and I welcomed it next to open arms, with whatever dignity I have left.
Death sprung, and everything went black.
*
I wont tell you what she's getting kill by cause that'll ruin the essence of surprise. 10 points best answerr :D
Answers:
Yes it does grab my attention, is that the naissance of the story?- if it is it then that would make me very curious.
i like the idea. it's maybe only me but i felt the bit where you said ' I could not and would not be able to fur from death. Not only because I couldn’t, but because I didn’t want to' doesn't make complete sense because it's almost resembling you've repeated yourself by saying 'i could not.' and then in the subsequent part saying 'because i couldn't'. apart from that its really quite polite, it makes me want to know whats happening.
It does actually.. its shadowy and deep...
*
shes getting killed by the grim reaper?
LOL
I think it's a great paragraph. It's to-the-point, but it sounds almost realistic. It make you appear as if you can see from the victim's point of view very closely and because you have such a tie to the martyr, the entire paragraph becomes more real.
zzzzzzz
yup make perfect sense and catches attention
what actually is the result in i have an idea but what is it?
its good for a narrative story or short it has suitable symbolism and realism. The reader really can get inside the girls head and have a feeling the raw emotions as she thinks just about Death and makes her ultimate desicion. Narrative descriptions with inner monologue and forethought are good for books because its helps the reader idenitfy with your persona, but if this is for like a screenplay or film you would need to find a process to make that monlogue show more in emotional expressions and feat.
Wow, that was great. Thumbs Up.
Everything was cool until "Death sprung, and everything go black." It would make a little more continuity in your story if you wrote, something a bit more like this: "Death reached out to me and I took his hand." "Death embrace me and everything went dark."
"Death bent down to kiss my lips, and everything grew shady."
Something along these lines that would allow the paragraph blend into the last sentence.
i get the impression compelled to read this story!
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I looked into the eyes of death and I knew there be no place to run. I could not and would not be able to hide from death. Not merely because I couldn’t, but because I didn’t want to. Death eased the burning in my chest, and I welcomed it next to open arms, with whatever dignity I have left.
Death sprung, and everything went black.
*
I wont tell you what she's getting kill by cause that'll ruin the essence of surprise. 10 points best answerr :D
Answers:
Yes it does grab my attention, is that the naissance of the story?- if it is it then that would make me very curious.
i like the idea. it's maybe only me but i felt the bit where you said ' I could not and would not be able to fur from death. Not only because I couldn’t, but because I didn’t want to' doesn't make complete sense because it's almost resembling you've repeated yourself by saying 'i could not.' and then in the subsequent part saying 'because i couldn't'. apart from that its really quite polite, it makes me want to know whats happening.
It does actually.. its shadowy and deep...
*
shes getting killed by the grim reaper?
LOL
I think it's a great paragraph. It's to-the-point, but it sounds almost realistic. It make you appear as if you can see from the victim's point of view very closely and because you have such a tie to the martyr, the entire paragraph becomes more real.
zzzzzzz
yup make perfect sense and catches attention
what actually is the result in i have an idea but what is it?
its good for a narrative story or short it has suitable symbolism and realism. The reader really can get inside the girls head and have a feeling the raw emotions as she thinks just about Death and makes her ultimate desicion. Narrative descriptions with inner monologue and forethought are good for books because its helps the reader idenitfy with your persona, but if this is for like a screenplay or film you would need to find a process to make that monlogue show more in emotional expressions and feat.
Wow, that was great. Thumbs Up.
Everything was cool until "Death sprung, and everything go black." It would make a little more continuity in your story if you wrote, something a bit more like this: "Death reached out to me and I took his hand." "Death embrace me and everything went dark."
"Death bent down to kiss my lips, and everything grew shady."
Something along these lines that would allow the paragraph blend into the last sentence.
i get the impression compelled to read this story!
Related Questions:
Who should die first?
So in my story there is a mother and grandmother of the heroine, and they both die, but I was wondering which instruct would be better for the plot development and suspence. They are a family of witches. The grandmother is like the matriarchal, disciplinary digit for the family. She's the one that is in charge of the money,...
What be the concluding book you read?
BoReD that's it I'm surrounded by the midst of reading Abhorsen, but the last book I fully read was The Great Gatsby. And before that, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and past that, Ender's Game.I read way too much. The Raging Quiet by Sherryl Jordan.It be okay! But, me being me, once i start...