What do you conjecture of this chance paragraph of writing?
okay i just want some opions totally hate it or like it or love it? merely started putting pen to paper and came up with this.
I slowly sulk into the classroom,; my lead down and my arms folded across my chest. I take my seat trying to make myself as small as possible. He enter with a witty comment waiting for my usual response but when I don't say anything I can feel his eyes on me close to the sun on dessert sand.
He says my name in grill. Still I don't answer, but when the consciousness of his stare becomes too much I lift my eyes hoping to null the feeling. I monitor his eyes widen just enough to be distinct as he takes in my bloodshot eyes and my cheeks streaked with black. My smile usually other present now hides behind iron locks that can not be broken. He stares into my dead eyes searching for the girl he knew. I shake my head and walk back to stare at the table because I know she is gone and isn't coming back. Life had taken her for a ride and thrown her out of the saloon leaving her with nothing more than the cuts and bruises.
He doesn't influence anymore, but every so often his eyes find me again. The bell sounds not a second to soon. I jump out of my seat throwing my rucksack over my shoulder and race out the door before anyone even stands from their chair. I formulate my way to a far corner away from the masses of people. Taking a low breath I lean back against the faded brick wall and slowly lower myself to the ground.
He isn’t exactly discreet about his approach, but I ignore him adjectives the same. Opening his mouth he struggles for something to say but it closes as he is at a loss of words. Instead I find myself surprised as he wraps an arm around my shoulders squeezing me in reassurance.
I am afraid to upset him off but at the same time I can’t stop the hot tears that burn my eyes until they spill over. My face presses into his shoulder my tears staining his shirt. His other arm enclose me and he sits there, holding me while I sob, not knowing anything but at the same time completely understanding. He’s my best friend.
Answers:
Wow, this is really amazing! You should think around becoming a writer. It gave me goosebumps.
(a)>(a) in my words Delicious XD i love how it is and it would be great for an opening for a novel (a)>(a) or surrounded by the middle or what ever i say build off this
Absolutely amaaazing! In my english class at St.Johns University we respectively have to write a book for the semester and i gotta tell you you'd ace the class!
What Caught my eye: "I watch his eyes make wider just enough to be noticeable as he take in my bloodshot eyes and my cheeks streaked with black." PERFECT imagry! I can see it in my leader its like watching a movie.
"His other arm encloses me and he sits there, holding me while I sob, not knowing anything but at alike time completely understanding. He’s my best friend." Really strong words and perfect word choice!
Just some suggestions: "I watch his eyes enlarge just enough to be noticeable as he take in my bloodshot eyes and my BLACK STREAKED CHEEKS." [to keep the sentence structure parallel]
"Life had taken her for a ride and thrown her out of the motor AND LEFT HER SCARRED." [it makes more sense than nothing more than cuts and bruises because that just routine that she only got CUTS and BRUISES which HEAL...scars exit a permanent mark Source(s): Good luck...have you considered becomming an author? or possibly publishing a small piece?
this is really really good. definitly caught my interest and pulled me in. wonderful wititng.
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Im 13, and I love to write, but I don't know if what I write is any upright.?
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I slowly sulk into the classroom,; my lead down and my arms folded across my chest. I take my seat trying to make myself as small as possible. He enter with a witty comment waiting for my usual response but when I don't say anything I can feel his eyes on me close to the sun on dessert sand.
He says my name in grill. Still I don't answer, but when the consciousness of his stare becomes too much I lift my eyes hoping to null the feeling. I monitor his eyes widen just enough to be distinct as he takes in my bloodshot eyes and my cheeks streaked with black. My smile usually other present now hides behind iron locks that can not be broken. He stares into my dead eyes searching for the girl he knew. I shake my head and walk back to stare at the table because I know she is gone and isn't coming back. Life had taken her for a ride and thrown her out of the saloon leaving her with nothing more than the cuts and bruises.
He doesn't influence anymore, but every so often his eyes find me again. The bell sounds not a second to soon. I jump out of my seat throwing my rucksack over my shoulder and race out the door before anyone even stands from their chair. I formulate my way to a far corner away from the masses of people. Taking a low breath I lean back against the faded brick wall and slowly lower myself to the ground.
He isn’t exactly discreet about his approach, but I ignore him adjectives the same. Opening his mouth he struggles for something to say but it closes as he is at a loss of words. Instead I find myself surprised as he wraps an arm around my shoulders squeezing me in reassurance.
I am afraid to upset him off but at the same time I can’t stop the hot tears that burn my eyes until they spill over. My face presses into his shoulder my tears staining his shirt. His other arm enclose me and he sits there, holding me while I sob, not knowing anything but at the same time completely understanding. He’s my best friend.
Answers:
Wow, this is really amazing! You should think around becoming a writer. It gave me goosebumps.
(a)>(a) in my words Delicious XD i love how it is and it would be great for an opening for a novel (a)>(a) or surrounded by the middle or what ever i say build off this
Absolutely amaaazing! In my english class at St.Johns University we respectively have to write a book for the semester and i gotta tell you you'd ace the class!
What Caught my eye: "I watch his eyes make wider just enough to be noticeable as he take in my bloodshot eyes and my cheeks streaked with black." PERFECT imagry! I can see it in my leader its like watching a movie.
"His other arm encloses me and he sits there, holding me while I sob, not knowing anything but at alike time completely understanding. He’s my best friend." Really strong words and perfect word choice!
Just some suggestions: "I watch his eyes enlarge just enough to be noticeable as he take in my bloodshot eyes and my BLACK STREAKED CHEEKS." [to keep the sentence structure parallel]
"Life had taken her for a ride and thrown her out of the motor AND LEFT HER SCARRED." [it makes more sense than nothing more than cuts and bruises because that just routine that she only got CUTS and BRUISES which HEAL...scars exit a permanent mark Source(s): Good luck...have you considered becomming an author? or possibly publishing a small piece?
this is really really good. definitly caught my interest and pulled me in. wonderful wititng.
Related Questions:
Stories going on for kids ingestion too plentiful sweets?
I want to make a prose piece for Speech & Debate. I already know I want to use the poem Eighteen Flavors by Shel Silverstein, so I decided to make the subject Sweets, or maybe Eating Too Many Sweets. So any suggestions? Answers from experienced Prose-poeters would be awesome. Chocolate Fever is hilarious. It's...
Im 13, and I love to write, but I don't know if what I write is any upright.?
Here is a small part of a story I came up with. Please consent to me know how I can improve it, or if it's anygood, and if I should continue to write. Thank you :)The life of a social rejectAnother arts school year. I...