Is this a obedient commencing?
“Bethany! Time to get up,” my mom said trying to get me up for the first day of academy.
“Ugh. I’m up. I’m up.”
“Go shower,” she demanded as she walked out of my bedroom.
I took a long shower and then went to pick out my outfit. What to wear? What to wear? I picked out a draping cheetah top near dark washed skinny jeans and my cheetah print flats. Cute? Yes.
I didn’t bother with trimmings and just went on to do my hair. I looked within the mirror and saw the reflection of a timid girl. I saw her emerald colored eyes dancing next to delight. I pulled my hair into a side pony tail and let my side bang loose.
After I finished I walked into the kitchen to catch my mom in full lip-lock beside her new boyfriend, Evan.
“Glad I skipped breakfast,” I said with disgust.
“Do you need a ride,” Evan asked innocently.
“No. I fairly walk. Bye,” I said and ran out the door.
“Bethany!” exclaimed my best friend, Ivy Sanders.
My friend told me that I should add more detail to the inauguration? I know sounds like your typical story, but I'm making it my own. Help! Tell me how I can make it better
Answers:
three words: EDIT EDIT EDIT...
Other than that, you need MUCH more detail. I could hold made at lest a page and a half with the exact same events, if not more. I'd also suggest expanding you vocabulary, this make writing MUCH more interesting!
Good Luck!
I REALLY like the beggining of your story! It does lack for a moment detail..but overall i think its really good! It draws the reader in right from the the start. People will be wondering why she run out...and that will make them want to read on! Please post the rest of your story on..I will be sure to read it!
PS: I want to know what happens next! Source(s): My brain!
yeah it definately needs to be more detailed, because right in a minute it feeels like an amateur start, and i dont know anything really about your characters.
make sure to craft your writing and characters original too.
maybe write more into the relationship with evan and her mom - and how she hate it, when they are together and maybe tell a story about one time. you know.. dance in depth, so we feel like we know the head character, and can relate.
Yes a little more detail would be positive. It sounds nice. Remember to let the age of the characters out sometime in the beginning. I can't stand reading a book when I don't know the character's age, and echelon. But I like it over all.
It's absolutely a 'cute' start ;). Well done. I love it how you give us a description of the girl by letting her look in the mirror. We indeed not know what's wrong with breakfast. And some other little things resembling that need some improvement. It's still only a really short paper, but I'd say I like it. Good luck writing.
x
Related Questions:
Oedipus the king?
Describe the contrast between Oedipus and Creon toward the people of Thebes. | Creon is more nonchalant. Oedipus rules them fairly. He requests things done, belives in Oracles and stuff. Creon probably cares more about himself. He' s lately kinda there. Idk if thats true. My sister played Antigone in that play...
“Ugh. I’m up. I’m up.”
“Go shower,” she demanded as she walked out of my bedroom.
I took a long shower and then went to pick out my outfit. What to wear? What to wear? I picked out a draping cheetah top near dark washed skinny jeans and my cheetah print flats. Cute? Yes.
I didn’t bother with trimmings and just went on to do my hair. I looked within the mirror and saw the reflection of a timid girl. I saw her emerald colored eyes dancing next to delight. I pulled my hair into a side pony tail and let my side bang loose.
After I finished I walked into the kitchen to catch my mom in full lip-lock beside her new boyfriend, Evan.
“Glad I skipped breakfast,” I said with disgust.
“Do you need a ride,” Evan asked innocently.
“No. I fairly walk. Bye,” I said and ran out the door.
“Bethany!” exclaimed my best friend, Ivy Sanders.
My friend told me that I should add more detail to the inauguration? I know sounds like your typical story, but I'm making it my own. Help! Tell me how I can make it better
Answers:
three words: EDIT EDIT EDIT...
Other than that, you need MUCH more detail. I could hold made at lest a page and a half with the exact same events, if not more. I'd also suggest expanding you vocabulary, this make writing MUCH more interesting!
Good Luck!
I REALLY like the beggining of your story! It does lack for a moment detail..but overall i think its really good! It draws the reader in right from the the start. People will be wondering why she run out...and that will make them want to read on! Please post the rest of your story on..I will be sure to read it!
PS: I want to know what happens next! Source(s): My brain!
yeah it definately needs to be more detailed, because right in a minute it feeels like an amateur start, and i dont know anything really about your characters.
make sure to craft your writing and characters original too.
maybe write more into the relationship with evan and her mom - and how she hate it, when they are together and maybe tell a story about one time. you know.. dance in depth, so we feel like we know the head character, and can relate.
Yes a little more detail would be positive. It sounds nice. Remember to let the age of the characters out sometime in the beginning. I can't stand reading a book when I don't know the character's age, and echelon. But I like it over all.
It's absolutely a 'cute' start ;). Well done. I love it how you give us a description of the girl by letting her look in the mirror. We indeed not know what's wrong with breakfast. And some other little things resembling that need some improvement. It's still only a really short paper, but I'd say I like it. Good luck writing.
x
Related Questions:
Oedipus the king?
Describe the contrast between Oedipus and Creon toward the people of Thebes. | Creon is more nonchalant. Oedipus rules them fairly. He requests things done, belives in Oracles and stuff. Creon probably cares more about himself. He' s lately kinda there. Idk if thats true. My sister played Antigone in that play...