Is this a appropriate instigation for my story?
I have begun my story and want to check that my beginning is interesting. I'll let somebody know you what it's about etc then I'll tell the origination.
It's about a boy (about 17) who lives with the travelling circus that includes a freak show.
He's walking through the woods one early morning and see these strange beings known as tree fairies.
He's freaked out and runs back to the circus and tell someone he seems to know what they are
Loads of people go out and hunt them to try and occupation them for the freak show.
It takes them several hours and someone gets killed/injured. Eventually they capture a immature female (about the same age as the boy!)
They put her in a enclose etc. The boy is rewarded for telling them about the fairies. And pout surrounded by charge of caring for her.
I've skipped a bit but basically he hears her singing and he right away falls in love with her and starts to cry.
He has a dream going on for her that night and wakes up needing to back her.
He goes to see her very early to find out what he can do. She tell him basically to go fetch the other fairies.
He go (obviously) When he finds them they attack him but he explains etc.
They all go to the camp and attack the relations their but they don't kill them.
When they get the girl out they are confronted by the leader who holds a potion that will snuff them. One of the tree fairies that refused to go near the boy earlier because he hated him so much comes up behind the boss entity and knocks him out. They then leave near the girl and the boy is left alone.
He is heart broken. And runs away from the circus into the dark (it's nighttime) cold forest. He wonders for hours until laying down on the drizzling forest floor. He thinks he is going to die. AS he looses conscientiousness he feels a pair of slender arms wrap around his curled body.
The start of the story:
It be early morning. The park had not yet woken and the crows be still asleep. Th Only sound was the hum of a solitary lamp floppy by a caravan window. The forest was in a adjectives sleep, waiting for the sun to creep through the fog, that suffocated the land, and announce the new day.
I inhaled severely, filling my lungs with the freezing morning air. It shivered it's method into my bones, bloodstream and muscles, numbing them promptly. My goatskin jacket was no match for the nippy morning chill.
I curled my pink, raw fingers and straightened them again; checking they weren't frozen solid. I squelched my method across the frost bitten mud, it splattered on my back and the weaved carrier lifeless loosely off my shoulder.
For some reason the new paragraph haven't come up indented sorry!
Answers:
Okay well, your idea is good except I kept thinking of Cirque Du Freak and Peter Pan. It's purely the beginning so the rest of the story may not remind me of them books, it's the way you've described it.
What I don't get is that he's freed her, she's man threatened with a poison, then another tree fairy (who I surmise you need to describe more in the story and make a bigger personality, if you wasn't already going to do so) comes and knocks him out and the boy and girl are left alone. I get it up until later but then you say they are left alone but he is heart broken and runs away from the circus? Does that mean that they had a fight or she said they couldn't be together or something? If so, I contemplate you should make that seen really sad after a big fight-rescue scene consequently him going into the woods alone and her coming, does that mean they've made up? Or did he think she was unmoving? I think you should go through each detail of the story, making it work but also have fun and you could make a really good book. You've started out okay, but it's not enough to articulate much about it yet, don't give surrounded by though! Love your story, and love your characters, as if you know or are one of them, it will help you get in tough beside their feelings and what it's like. I suggest adding another verbs or idea into it that will make it more romantic, say the circus are on the move again and he have to choose, or theres another girl who likes him, or they capture the fairies for a different principle; like they get money for capturing them and using them as servants on the circus but when he falls within love with the girl he sees that it's wrong.
Good luck, I hope to hear from you again on here, if you want someone to read through more of what you write then you can email me :)
No its too long to read
I read how you said it is about a boy who travels with a freak show and automatically cirque due freak popped to mind. No offence but this is really purely copying the Darren Shan books. Also it sounds a bit boring. I know when you read this that you probably will feel really sad but I think you should come up next to a whole new story with your own thinking :)
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What Edgar Allan Poe story should I read?
I did a biography on him for my English class and I have to present a story of his. I'm thinking of doing The Cask of Amontillado, but maybe there's some creppier story of his that I may read. Any suggestions? | The Tell Tale Heart and The Pit and the Pendulum...
It's about a boy (about 17) who lives with the travelling circus that includes a freak show.
He's walking through the woods one early morning and see these strange beings known as tree fairies.
He's freaked out and runs back to the circus and tell someone he seems to know what they are
Loads of people go out and hunt them to try and occupation them for the freak show.
It takes them several hours and someone gets killed/injured. Eventually they capture a immature female (about the same age as the boy!)
They put her in a enclose etc. The boy is rewarded for telling them about the fairies. And pout surrounded by charge of caring for her.
I've skipped a bit but basically he hears her singing and he right away falls in love with her and starts to cry.
He has a dream going on for her that night and wakes up needing to back her.
He goes to see her very early to find out what he can do. She tell him basically to go fetch the other fairies.
He go (obviously) When he finds them they attack him but he explains etc.
They all go to the camp and attack the relations their but they don't kill them.
When they get the girl out they are confronted by the leader who holds a potion that will snuff them. One of the tree fairies that refused to go near the boy earlier because he hated him so much comes up behind the boss entity and knocks him out. They then leave near the girl and the boy is left alone.
He is heart broken. And runs away from the circus into the dark (it's nighttime) cold forest. He wonders for hours until laying down on the drizzling forest floor. He thinks he is going to die. AS he looses conscientiousness he feels a pair of slender arms wrap around his curled body.
The start of the story:
It be early morning. The park had not yet woken and the crows be still asleep. Th Only sound was the hum of a solitary lamp floppy by a caravan window. The forest was in a adjectives sleep, waiting for the sun to creep through the fog, that suffocated the land, and announce the new day.
I inhaled severely, filling my lungs with the freezing morning air. It shivered it's method into my bones, bloodstream and muscles, numbing them promptly. My goatskin jacket was no match for the nippy morning chill.
I curled my pink, raw fingers and straightened them again; checking they weren't frozen solid. I squelched my method across the frost bitten mud, it splattered on my back and the weaved carrier lifeless loosely off my shoulder.
For some reason the new paragraph haven't come up indented sorry!
Answers:
Okay well, your idea is good except I kept thinking of Cirque Du Freak and Peter Pan. It's purely the beginning so the rest of the story may not remind me of them books, it's the way you've described it.
What I don't get is that he's freed her, she's man threatened with a poison, then another tree fairy (who I surmise you need to describe more in the story and make a bigger personality, if you wasn't already going to do so) comes and knocks him out and the boy and girl are left alone. I get it up until later but then you say they are left alone but he is heart broken and runs away from the circus? Does that mean that they had a fight or she said they couldn't be together or something? If so, I contemplate you should make that seen really sad after a big fight-rescue scene consequently him going into the woods alone and her coming, does that mean they've made up? Or did he think she was unmoving? I think you should go through each detail of the story, making it work but also have fun and you could make a really good book. You've started out okay, but it's not enough to articulate much about it yet, don't give surrounded by though! Love your story, and love your characters, as if you know or are one of them, it will help you get in tough beside their feelings and what it's like. I suggest adding another verbs or idea into it that will make it more romantic, say the circus are on the move again and he have to choose, or theres another girl who likes him, or they capture the fairies for a different principle; like they get money for capturing them and using them as servants on the circus but when he falls within love with the girl he sees that it's wrong.
Good luck, I hope to hear from you again on here, if you want someone to read through more of what you write then you can email me :)
No its too long to read
I read how you said it is about a boy who travels with a freak show and automatically cirque due freak popped to mind. No offence but this is really purely copying the Darren Shan books. Also it sounds a bit boring. I know when you read this that you probably will feel really sad but I think you should come up next to a whole new story with your own thinking :)
Related Questions:
What Edgar Allan Poe story should I read?
I did a biography on him for my English class and I have to present a story of his. I'm thinking of doing The Cask of Amontillado, but maybe there's some creppier story of his that I may read. Any suggestions? | The Tell Tale Heart and The Pit and the Pendulum...