Is this a polite prologue? I'm solitary a childlike writer?
“Eve! Evelyn? Come on, the party’s this way!”
A girl with a stylish black perm and mischievous blue eyes listened as her boy call out. She couldn’t see him but his voice sounded slightly worried, and as much as she wanted to turn back around, something stronger urged her in the other direction.
It be a balmy night in Melbourne, 1933, and a ball be where Evelyn wanted to spend her seventeenth birthday. She and Rod had be planning the night for weeks, and all her friends would be waiting. But now she wasn’t thinking of the, here was something else that playing on her mind.
There was, for some strange reason, the craving of something small, dry and complex – like a seed – that annoyed Evelyn but a greater thought was the prominent.
She have to know who wanted her at this place, a small pub in Essendon... maybe it be some birthday surprise, and hopefully the pub wasn’t small at all... the letter had said to come across there on the night of her seventeenth after all, so I don`t know her wealthy parents had organised an event.
And then it struck her.
Of course! Eve thought her gait faster now. It was all set up. Rod and her friends be at this venue, knowing she would soon turn up after not being able to resist the letter’s temptations. They would be holding a private ball instead! Evelyn smiled her smile that be notice by so many men and she adjusted her little black dress and cream handbag. The venue be not far from the street she was in, it was simply a few more street lights down. She was so close to her party she was competent to imagine the music, the lights and the food...
At the thought, excitement greater than it had been adjectives night, bubbled inside her. Evelyn had always be popular, so it made sense for her friends to hold something out-there and exotic. She had suggested for them to do so...
Finally as Evelyn drew so close to the pub she let out a squeal. She loved her friends, and her family. They be so wonderful, wanting to give her a present to remember, like she had considered necessary.
***
And it was a present to remember. Sixty years later Evelyn sat alone surrounded by the small back room of Knuckles pub, a burnt orange and purple person in charge scarf that she wore was the only vibrant colour visible surrounded by the room. Even her bright eyes were dim.
It was hard to believe that this place be still here, a dark and dank hotel room with wooden floors and walls, a bed and nothing more. But after, Evelyn remembered, it had to be here still, or the events about to take place be useless.
Everything had to be done traditionally; everything had to be like the hours of darkness all those years ago. The night where she though a surprise slice was waiting. The night where everything changed.
im 15
Answers:
It was rad. dutiful prologue..
and i liked that at the end haha.
im 15 too. o.0 lol Source(s): my brain.. haha. I love writing that XD
Yes!
Write more please - I want to find out what happened to her!!
I am procrastinating - supposed to be writing an english essay, but this really grabbed my attention!
Good luck!
xox
I think its pretty good!
I'm a young writer, too! (13)
I be thinking about putting up some of my stuff to see what people think.
Anyway, I resembling it, and I like that she's like...addicted/determined to having that dark. I love characters that are messed up in the head, I don't know why. (: Source(s): Me, Myself, & I!
That's a good prologue, and I've be writing since I was able to hold a pencil. It's quite descriptive and unencumbered. It captures the attention and makes me want to read more.
Keep writing, you have TRUE talent :)
i tink it's obedient, you might want to change around some words to make them higher leveled, though if it's 1933 you might want ot use elder talk, not like old english but idk give or take a few astrailia (sorry can't spell) stuff but everyone talked werid back in the hours of daylight, GEEEWILICERS!
Generally a prologue is a single scene that sets up the main ask that the book is going to address or provides significant background information that would be difficult to incorporate into the main body of the book. If you want to include what come both before and after the break next you really should bookend it with the old woman in the pub (i.e. introduce her, present the first fragment of the passage as a flashback, and then move back to the frail woman). The problem with this is that it makes for a less than acceptable prologue because it will lack some of the immediacy that draws a reader in at the beginning of the book. Alternately you could lose the part of the pack about the old woman altogether, but the first part of the hall is not strong enough to stand as a prologue, it doesn't present background information that couldn't just as glibly be in the main body of the story and it doesn't really successfully raise any interrogate that will interest the reader. There is a question, true, but there isn't much to foreshadow what may happen, we can only as easily believe that she is heading towards a grisly fate and we can believe that she is about to be the hub of the greatest surprise party ever. It reads a bit like you yourself aren't definite what is coming next.
My advice would be to just go and get on with the story, don't try to perfect a prologue for heavens sake. Nine times out of ten when an author writes a prologue it ends up being eliminate by the final draft; a prologue can be a good way to get yourself going, but you will more than predictable find it unnecessary by the time you edit the story.
If you plan to keep working on this passage at hand are several things you could work on. You might want to give some consideration to the pace of this passage, at hand is no change in the pacing and length of your sentences and no move in word choice to indicate the change in the characters attitude. She go from confusion or apprehension to excitement and that should be reflected in your style if you don't want the passage to come across flat. The sentence length is too consistent which can make writing come across as almost monotone. Try to vary the length of your sentences, it make your writing more interesting to the reader. Additionally, your punctuation and paragraph breaks need some work.
Cheers.
Related Questions:
Rare Book Appraisal Peter Pan, Catcher within the Rye, H.G. Wells?
I have a first edition catcher in the rye and it in okay condition is be wondering how do I find out how much it is worth, or does anyone know off hand? Also how do I go going on for selling it? I also have a third edition H.G....
A girl with a stylish black perm and mischievous blue eyes listened as her boy call out. She couldn’t see him but his voice sounded slightly worried, and as much as she wanted to turn back around, something stronger urged her in the other direction.
It be a balmy night in Melbourne, 1933, and a ball be where Evelyn wanted to spend her seventeenth birthday. She and Rod had be planning the night for weeks, and all her friends would be waiting. But now she wasn’t thinking of the, here was something else that playing on her mind.
There was, for some strange reason, the craving of something small, dry and complex – like a seed – that annoyed Evelyn but a greater thought was the prominent.
She have to know who wanted her at this place, a small pub in Essendon... maybe it be some birthday surprise, and hopefully the pub wasn’t small at all... the letter had said to come across there on the night of her seventeenth after all, so I don`t know her wealthy parents had organised an event.
And then it struck her.
Of course! Eve thought her gait faster now. It was all set up. Rod and her friends be at this venue, knowing she would soon turn up after not being able to resist the letter’s temptations. They would be holding a private ball instead! Evelyn smiled her smile that be notice by so many men and she adjusted her little black dress and cream handbag. The venue be not far from the street she was in, it was simply a few more street lights down. She was so close to her party she was competent to imagine the music, the lights and the food...
At the thought, excitement greater than it had been adjectives night, bubbled inside her. Evelyn had always be popular, so it made sense for her friends to hold something out-there and exotic. She had suggested for them to do so...
Finally as Evelyn drew so close to the pub she let out a squeal. She loved her friends, and her family. They be so wonderful, wanting to give her a present to remember, like she had considered necessary.
***
And it was a present to remember. Sixty years later Evelyn sat alone surrounded by the small back room of Knuckles pub, a burnt orange and purple person in charge scarf that she wore was the only vibrant colour visible surrounded by the room. Even her bright eyes were dim.
It was hard to believe that this place be still here, a dark and dank hotel room with wooden floors and walls, a bed and nothing more. But after, Evelyn remembered, it had to be here still, or the events about to take place be useless.
Everything had to be done traditionally; everything had to be like the hours of darkness all those years ago. The night where she though a surprise slice was waiting. The night where everything changed.
im 15
Answers:
It was rad. dutiful prologue..
and i liked that at the end haha.
im 15 too. o.0 lol Source(s): my brain.. haha. I love writing that XD
Yes!
Write more please - I want to find out what happened to her!!
I am procrastinating - supposed to be writing an english essay, but this really grabbed my attention!
Good luck!
xox
I think its pretty good!
I'm a young writer, too! (13)
I be thinking about putting up some of my stuff to see what people think.
Anyway, I resembling it, and I like that she's like...addicted/determined to having that dark. I love characters that are messed up in the head, I don't know why. (: Source(s): Me, Myself, & I!
That's a good prologue, and I've be writing since I was able to hold a pencil. It's quite descriptive and unencumbered. It captures the attention and makes me want to read more.
Keep writing, you have TRUE talent :)
i tink it's obedient, you might want to change around some words to make them higher leveled, though if it's 1933 you might want ot use elder talk, not like old english but idk give or take a few astrailia (sorry can't spell) stuff but everyone talked werid back in the hours of daylight, GEEEWILICERS!
Generally a prologue is a single scene that sets up the main ask that the book is going to address or provides significant background information that would be difficult to incorporate into the main body of the book. If you want to include what come both before and after the break next you really should bookend it with the old woman in the pub (i.e. introduce her, present the first fragment of the passage as a flashback, and then move back to the frail woman). The problem with this is that it makes for a less than acceptable prologue because it will lack some of the immediacy that draws a reader in at the beginning of the book. Alternately you could lose the part of the pack about the old woman altogether, but the first part of the hall is not strong enough to stand as a prologue, it doesn't present background information that couldn't just as glibly be in the main body of the story and it doesn't really successfully raise any interrogate that will interest the reader. There is a question, true, but there isn't much to foreshadow what may happen, we can only as easily believe that she is heading towards a grisly fate and we can believe that she is about to be the hub of the greatest surprise party ever. It reads a bit like you yourself aren't definite what is coming next.
My advice would be to just go and get on with the story, don't try to perfect a prologue for heavens sake. Nine times out of ten when an author writes a prologue it ends up being eliminate by the final draft; a prologue can be a good way to get yourself going, but you will more than predictable find it unnecessary by the time you edit the story.
If you plan to keep working on this passage at hand are several things you could work on. You might want to give some consideration to the pace of this passage, at hand is no change in the pacing and length of your sentences and no move in word choice to indicate the change in the characters attitude. She go from confusion or apprehension to excitement and that should be reflected in your style if you don't want the passage to come across flat. The sentence length is too consistent which can make writing come across as almost monotone. Try to vary the length of your sentences, it make your writing more interesting to the reader. Additionally, your punctuation and paragraph breaks need some work.
Cheers.
Related Questions:
Rare Book Appraisal Peter Pan, Catcher within the Rye, H.G. Wells?
I have a first edition catcher in the rye and it in okay condition is be wondering how do I find out how much it is worth, or does anyone know off hand? Also how do I go going on for selling it? I also have a third edition H.G....