*redoing question* What do you have a sneaking suspicion that of this culmination to my story? Please criticize.?
O.K. When I posted this last, I didn't post enough info, and I didn't get adequate in return.So, this is the beginning: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
(most of the beginning is surrounded by rough draft and has been redone, close to what happened to Ivy's mom, but it's enough to get a plain idea on what it's all about)
I have my plot summary within my head, but mostly it's also in rough draft, so I haven't written it out.
An Is is a copyrighted creature of Y.Z. (me) but I haven't fully formed them.
As you can see, not much is fully formed.
The more criticism I get, the more fortune you have to get chosen as best answer.
PLEASE don't just say aloud it's got rough spots. Specify.
Since I've straightened that out, here you are:
“No, Ivy! No!”
But it was no use. Ivy lay there, as still as the unresponsive, and the thing she wanted to happen most minuscule had happened to her.
Coral sat in attendance and hated. She finally knew what Ivy felt approaching when she was angered, how it felt to loathe something with every pore. She finally contained what it was like to be Ivy.
She seethed. She insufferable Mrs. Bacter with all her might. If she where standing here right very soon, Coral would gladly kill her. She no longer had control over Coral through threat by Ivy; that threat have been fulfilled, and Bacter had signed her own death warrant. She could bring her Dexter, her mindless pet Is, and he would die as very well.
Coral hated what Mrs. had done; but what she abhorred be herself. Not about Ivy; that was Mrs.’s fault, and she will retribution. What she abhorred was how, even now, she could not express sentiment; even when the worst possible thing had happened, to her merely friend. The thing worse than death itself.
That is why when the girl woke up, she saw a creature. It was not human; the expression on its obverse would be impossible for a human being. She somehow connected that image to the face of a small child since it throws a tantrum, or starts to cry; only a hundred times worse. It was feeling itself. Then that thought disappeared. What is a tantrum? She asked herself. What surprised her be she didn’t know. She KNEW! She knew that word, that feeling; but it was slipping out of her brain resembling water.
Her brain recognized that thing sitting in attendance, and before that slipped her mind as well, she asked it:
“Who am I?”
Coral looked up, startled. What should she say? The indecision be clear on her face, but the girl didn’t recognize it; she didn’t understand expressions anymore.
“You are… You are….”
She be a clean slate. Should Coral tell her what she most wanted to hear, her own story? Coral know that feeling; she also knew how it felt to preserve a secret forever. She didn’t want to have another secret.
“Who?”
“You are…were called… Ivy.”
Answers:
wishes to be tighter, for example, the second paragraph here is repetitive about hate. several sentences about hatred. and then another sentence about hate.
slipping out of her brain similar to water...what kind of water? seep, sink draining? spilling over a pail? just some ideas .the 'thing is inhuman--but have a face of a child about to throw a tantrum? you have to attain consistency.
Related Questions:
WHO writes the summaries contained by the fund of books?
I have always wondered that... Is it the author or someone completely different? I'm not quite sure. I miserable one of the reasons I read the books I do, is because when I read the back of them, it get me interested. Anyways, anybody else ever...
(most of the beginning is surrounded by rough draft and has been redone, close to what happened to Ivy's mom, but it's enough to get a plain idea on what it's all about)
I have my plot summary within my head, but mostly it's also in rough draft, so I haven't written it out.
An Is is a copyrighted creature of Y.Z. (me) but I haven't fully formed them.
As you can see, not much is fully formed.
The more criticism I get, the more fortune you have to get chosen as best answer.
PLEASE don't just say aloud it's got rough spots. Specify.
Since I've straightened that out, here you are:
“No, Ivy! No!”
But it was no use. Ivy lay there, as still as the unresponsive, and the thing she wanted to happen most minuscule had happened to her.
Coral sat in attendance and hated. She finally knew what Ivy felt approaching when she was angered, how it felt to loathe something with every pore. She finally contained what it was like to be Ivy.
She seethed. She insufferable Mrs. Bacter with all her might. If she where standing here right very soon, Coral would gladly kill her. She no longer had control over Coral through threat by Ivy; that threat have been fulfilled, and Bacter had signed her own death warrant. She could bring her Dexter, her mindless pet Is, and he would die as very well.
Coral hated what Mrs. had done; but what she abhorred be herself. Not about Ivy; that was Mrs.’s fault, and she will retribution. What she abhorred was how, even now, she could not express sentiment; even when the worst possible thing had happened, to her merely friend. The thing worse than death itself.
That is why when the girl woke up, she saw a creature. It was not human; the expression on its obverse would be impossible for a human being. She somehow connected that image to the face of a small child since it throws a tantrum, or starts to cry; only a hundred times worse. It was feeling itself. Then that thought disappeared. What is a tantrum? She asked herself. What surprised her be she didn’t know. She KNEW! She knew that word, that feeling; but it was slipping out of her brain resembling water.
Her brain recognized that thing sitting in attendance, and before that slipped her mind as well, she asked it:
“Who am I?”
Coral looked up, startled. What should she say? The indecision be clear on her face, but the girl didn’t recognize it; she didn’t understand expressions anymore.
“You are… You are….”
She be a clean slate. Should Coral tell her what she most wanted to hear, her own story? Coral know that feeling; she also knew how it felt to preserve a secret forever. She didn’t want to have another secret.
“Who?”
“You are…were called… Ivy.”
Answers:
wishes to be tighter, for example, the second paragraph here is repetitive about hate. several sentences about hatred. and then another sentence about hate.
slipping out of her brain similar to water...what kind of water? seep, sink draining? spilling over a pail? just some ideas .the 'thing is inhuman--but have a face of a child about to throw a tantrum? you have to attain consistency.
Related Questions:
WHO writes the summaries contained by the fund of books?
I have always wondered that... Is it the author or someone completely different? I'm not quite sure. I miserable one of the reasons I read the books I do, is because when I read the back of them, it get me interested. Anyways, anybody else ever...