Is this a apt story. im surrounded by the middle of writing.. plz, no rude comments.?
the story is called "Hidden Identity" please no rude comments, im only 13 yrs old!!
Selena Lithicum, 18, have a horrid past, searching through trees and leaves to find her way home. the forrest sounded as if it have horrifying screams running through it. I got so scared that I couldn't be capable of stand, I felt as if my legs had arthritist. I could not move. I sat on the not easy dirt ground and cried out tears one by one. each one hardening on my hand. i looked up, and what appeared earlier my eyes startled me and made me stop crying quickly. i knew i could not cry at that moment. I saw a big, black bear standing past me on its toes. his eyes looked hungry, As if i had disturbed him. i knew crying would round me up to get aten. i stood stiff. i smartly blinked my eyes once, and i suddenly felt a jut in my left shoulder. it stung, and i like greased lightning fell on the ground. Everything suddently went blank. but out of my eyes, i could see a Tiger appear. it had strange colored eyes that stood out. One sky blue, the other leaf green. I also merely noticed that the Tiger had a tiger print almost as if it was shaved into its fur on its departed leg. I was saved that day from the Tiger.
9 years after that, Leguna Hills, California i woke up to another
normal day at school. but this be no normal day. it changed my life.
"selena!!" i hear Ella's voice speak through the phone at full volume. " We got a new student at school!! and he is hot!" she said. so i fast raced there. I never seen Ella get this worked up. As i get there i seen his face for the first time. but it seem like the second time. for i what i saw on his face was one sky blue eye, and one leafy green eye. "Thats impossible, he couldn't be what save me. its not realistic." i kept telling myself. Ella seemed into him much more than me. she said that she loved his eyes and how "Beautifully majestic they be." but did she really see what i saw in them? a hero? not just a pair of gorgeous eyes? she couldn't see through them like me. every day it got weirder, he other looked at me with a strange look on his face in every class. He looked approaching he knew me from somewhere. It couldn't be. Could it? everyday i took one step closer to talking to him. Ella seemed to be best friends next to him, but how could I talk to him? what if he wasnt what i thought he was? he would think i be crazy.
i finally had the nerve and everything seemed to work smoothly. but Ella have a strange thought that i was majorly into him.. almost obsessed. but i ignored her. she be the one who was obsessed. but she was for a while right. everyday we talked, i felt connected to him, like we have something. he didn't act the same around Ella. he seemed more.. depart to me. but as i learn the truth about him i got lost within my thoughts and what he really was, and out of nowhere we fell into a trap. the most dangerous one.. the one that is impossible to escape. Love. but be he pushing me away because of his dark secret? why would he hurt me like this? how can i survive when i know i love him but cant be near him?
.. tell me if u like it.
Answers:
that was kind of boring to tell you the truth. the I be used way too often, no depth to the sentances, the story was adjectives over the place and it sounded like something you can compare to Vampire Diaries. If you want to make a good story, come up near something oriinal. Don;t water something else down.
I noticed many grammatical errors so you'll need to bowdlerize this. Also, at the beginning it described Selena but then it was from her perspective. Another entry I noticed was that it was big-hearted of going in a Twilight like direction. I hope the guy doesn't turn out to be a vampire.
Sorry to be harsh but the story also class of jumped around a little. The part just about the bear was kind of all over the place.
this is good, but im have the same problem
im trying to write a book, and i keep on stealing ideas from twilight subconsiously LOL when i read this my first thought be edward cullen
Related Questions:
Annabelle or Maria as a girls mark?
o Year 1873 o 15 o Uneducated-talks funny (Only knows basic writing and speech skills) o Short o Gray/blue eyes o Thick chestnut hair, usually dirty and unwashed. o Writes surrounded by a journal-every chance she gets. o Falls in love the their troublemaker, and king o Kidnapped, and has to us magic to get away and hide away village which...
Selena Lithicum, 18, have a horrid past, searching through trees and leaves to find her way home. the forrest sounded as if it have horrifying screams running through it. I got so scared that I couldn't be capable of stand, I felt as if my legs had arthritist. I could not move. I sat on the not easy dirt ground and cried out tears one by one. each one hardening on my hand. i looked up, and what appeared earlier my eyes startled me and made me stop crying quickly. i knew i could not cry at that moment. I saw a big, black bear standing past me on its toes. his eyes looked hungry, As if i had disturbed him. i knew crying would round me up to get aten. i stood stiff. i smartly blinked my eyes once, and i suddenly felt a jut in my left shoulder. it stung, and i like greased lightning fell on the ground. Everything suddently went blank. but out of my eyes, i could see a Tiger appear. it had strange colored eyes that stood out. One sky blue, the other leaf green. I also merely noticed that the Tiger had a tiger print almost as if it was shaved into its fur on its departed leg. I was saved that day from the Tiger.
9 years after that, Leguna Hills, California i woke up to another
normal day at school. but this be no normal day. it changed my life.
"selena!!" i hear Ella's voice speak through the phone at full volume. " We got a new student at school!! and he is hot!" she said. so i fast raced there. I never seen Ella get this worked up. As i get there i seen his face for the first time. but it seem like the second time. for i what i saw on his face was one sky blue eye, and one leafy green eye. "Thats impossible, he couldn't be what save me. its not realistic." i kept telling myself. Ella seemed into him much more than me. she said that she loved his eyes and how "Beautifully majestic they be." but did she really see what i saw in them? a hero? not just a pair of gorgeous eyes? she couldn't see through them like me. every day it got weirder, he other looked at me with a strange look on his face in every class. He looked approaching he knew me from somewhere. It couldn't be. Could it? everyday i took one step closer to talking to him. Ella seemed to be best friends next to him, but how could I talk to him? what if he wasnt what i thought he was? he would think i be crazy.
i finally had the nerve and everything seemed to work smoothly. but Ella have a strange thought that i was majorly into him.. almost obsessed. but i ignored her. she be the one who was obsessed. but she was for a while right. everyday we talked, i felt connected to him, like we have something. he didn't act the same around Ella. he seemed more.. depart to me. but as i learn the truth about him i got lost within my thoughts and what he really was, and out of nowhere we fell into a trap. the most dangerous one.. the one that is impossible to escape. Love. but be he pushing me away because of his dark secret? why would he hurt me like this? how can i survive when i know i love him but cant be near him?
.. tell me if u like it.
Answers:
that was kind of boring to tell you the truth. the I be used way too often, no depth to the sentances, the story was adjectives over the place and it sounded like something you can compare to Vampire Diaries. If you want to make a good story, come up near something oriinal. Don;t water something else down.
I noticed many grammatical errors so you'll need to bowdlerize this. Also, at the beginning it described Selena but then it was from her perspective. Another entry I noticed was that it was big-hearted of going in a Twilight like direction. I hope the guy doesn't turn out to be a vampire.
Sorry to be harsh but the story also class of jumped around a little. The part just about the bear was kind of all over the place.
this is good, but im have the same problem
im trying to write a book, and i keep on stealing ideas from twilight subconsiously LOL when i read this my first thought be edward cullen
Related Questions:
Annabelle or Maria as a girls mark?
o Year 1873 o 15 o Uneducated-talks funny (Only knows basic writing and speech skills) o Short o Gray/blue eyes o Thick chestnut hair, usually dirty and unwashed. o Writes surrounded by a journal-every chance she gets. o Falls in love the their troublemaker, and king o Kidnapped, and has to us magic to get away and hide away village which...