Im 13, and I love to write, but I don't know if what I write is any honourable.?
Here is a small part of a story I came up with. Please consent to me know how I can improve it, or if it's anygood, and if I should continue to write. Thank you :)
The life of a social reject
Another arts school year. I should be overwhelmed. Like any other thirteen year old girl, I should be exuberant at the prospect of seeing my friends again after so long, but no. I have no friends.
I am what you would consider to be a social reject, catering to those who are believed to be more superior than anyone else in the academy. The popular crowd, if you will.
Though, if you think aboout it, looks and money are all they've got. Why, I've get more talent in my little finger than they have in their full body, though, of course, I wouldn't want too gloat about it too much.
They have everything I can just dream of having. Beauty, wealth, popularity, and so on. They could just gain on with their lives, basking in the glory of have what they do, but no. They keep themselves content by making everyone's lives a living hell.
All I could ever want is to be beautiful. To be breathtakingly divine to the human eye. To be more exotically pulchritudinous than any movie star, or even better, to be incomparably radiant to any woman in existance, but unfortuantely, it won't be taking place any time soon, so it's basically no point getting my hopes up, even though I find myself doing so most of the time.
Standing by my locker, I see the most popular girl in school, Kaylancy Wright, surrounded on any side by her so called "friends", and strutting her way past a group of girls, whom, logically, would be considered to be inferior to her, by her.
"Nice dress, Kay!" A small, pale brunette, with thick eyeglasses, compliments her on her soft pink attire, obviously bought from an affluent designer store.
"Nice face" Kay retorts. Her friends cachinnate, and their laughter is loud, convulsive, and unrestrained. I gaped. The bravery of such people. The poor girl looked crestfallen, as if left spiritually deflated in a one-time attempt to please the queen bee.
Answers:
you used the phrase 'but no' too often (i know it's individual twice) and it sounded a little repetitive. i also think that some words were a touch unfit for the paragraph and obviously from a thesaurus (nothing wrong with a thesaurus - i love them - but dont go overboard) as some of your writing is typical, then some over the top. i think the word pulchritudinous should be changed. no-one except either elder people or those who do latin would probably even know what it means if it were within a different context. the sentence: Standing by my locker, I see the most popular girl in school, Kaylancy Wright, surrounded on either side by her so call "friends", and strutting her way past a group of girls, whom, of course, would be considered to be inferior to her, by her.- is too long. the ending two words should be cut out as they are completely useless. also, cachinnate should be changed to roar with laughter or cackle. instead of: Her friends cachinnate, and their enjoyment is loud, convulsive, and unrestrained, it could be: her friends cackle, their laughter deafening and unrestrained. i muse it should be 'the nerve of SOME people, rather than SUCH individuals.
from the second and third paragraph, your character becomes shallow and unlikeable, which is the worst thing for a leading character to be. this is because she says the following things: 'I've got more talent within my little finger that they have in their whole body'. it's cliche, shallow and degrading. another shallow, unlikeable item is: All I could ever want is to be beautiful. To be breathtakingly divine to the human eye. To be more exotically pulchritudinous than any movie star, or even better, to be incomparably radiant to any woman in existance. the 'popular' girls is such a cliche as well. i believe that, contained by your case, the thesaurus has been overused.
apart from those things, its moral. your style isnt bad.
please answer mine
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
Dee Source(s): fellow writer.
It's full of character for your age, but please don't choke the reader with long words you've plucked for the dictionary!!
But it's good!
Although one question:
where on earth is it going?
Please don't say its another teenage love story book! haha,
x Source(s): me
I think this is really good! I love the way it is written and the channel the girl in the story shares her desires and opinions on things. I like the track at the end it shows what the popular crowd are like and how ignorant they are to those to acclaim them. I think I agree with Mr Qqqq with the track you use words that are very long and confusing. But other than that I think you hold a great chance in writing!
I am also thirteen and I love to write stories.
Here is some of what I have written, it is no where on earth near as good as this though!
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind…
Hope I could help =)
Ok so i have been posting on YA and getting great answers yet when I posted on a site forum next to editors and authors I got so many helpfull hints and stuff to make it ultimate. I honestly recommend going to writers.net and joining the forum. I personally though though your story was great, outstandingly interesting and very well written.
Best Luck!
xCx
wow thats beautiful. keep up the writing. write every hours of daylight when you can. maybe get a diary and write in it every time. writing every chance you get will make you a better writer. well brought-up luck
you like adjectives don't you?
Remember, a word that no one know the definition to off hand will turn away some readers. There is no entail to use words like "cachinnate" really ... well... ever. even my profs would have written "find a simpler word." subsequent to that one. You have a very firm grasp of the languagew and I couldn't have guessed you be thirteen if you hadn't said something. You wrote something I would never pick up on purpose, but I would read it if I came across it by chance. Your topic is something I own no interest in, but I actually read what you wrote. You have talent, merely use straightforward language whereever possible.
okay i laughed at the facade part. i'm 13 also, i can't help it.
me being immature also i know EXACTLY of the popular girls. last year there was this group of girls who would literally dominate this one table contained by the caffeteria and if anyone sat in one of the girls' seat they be either cussed out or stared at by onlookers until they nervously shuffled away. LOL. luckily, this year they adjectives got separated. *snickers*
okay, about the story now. i presume its very good. i can sypathize for this character a bit. i'm not an entire social outcast but at my out-of-date school i felt like it sometimes. i other wanted to be popular but somehow was always stuck contained by between. i know now to just accept doesn`t matter what and i'm SO much happier!
okay i must admitt, i was flipping through the dictionary as i read this. most regular people don't know what words like 'pulchritudinous' or 'cachinnate' money. i know i don't. heck i can't even pronounce them. simple words are good. you don't have to kill your dictionary and fry a few brains to nouns smart. good, readable writing is smart enough. thats my only critique though. big words be paid my head hurt!
also, i'd like to know what the main plot is roughly speaking. is it romance, drama, etc.? i'd very much like to know because good teen books that i in actual fact like are hard to come by. you ever read The Time Travelers Wife? not exactly PG 13 because of language, sexual content, etc. but it be a heck of a lot better than Twilight could ever attempt to be! if this is a romance please be as real and truthful as possible. teens romances never fail to royally piss me past its sell-by date. i don't know. they just...do. all that 'i love you' and 'your my wifey/hubby forever' crap is so fake. it isn't other like that. but i'm willing to hear you out for the sake of the evolution of teen romance novels! lol :D
hmmmm...okay im done. im a blabbermouth, i know. rock on 2 contained by citizenship!
Yeah, I dream up it's good. Impressive use of language, but don't try and be too clever and use difficult words pointlessly..if your reader has to progress and look in the dictionary all the time, they might not be happy. Yes, relatively impressive indeed for a 13 year old, but who are you writing for? It's a bit stuffy..try and include some humour and be descriptive of things, not always subjective or writing your point of vision.
However, the main thing is that you enjoy it. I started writing since I be about 7-8 and you need to be humble and accept that you enjoy a lot to learn, then you will boost all the time. Keep it up, keep copies of what you do, try and give some work to some empire whose opinions you trust, don't be discouraged by criticism!
it's good but you use purple prose. don't use ridiculously fancy words. also, the story is a little stereotypical. be in motion for more abstract ideas and themes. you don't have to initiate with plot, you could open with sentiment.
so in conclusion, it's good, but it needs some work.
Related Questions:
What's a polite middle and concluding identify for Caleb (book character)?
Caleb stoneballs. I guess it depends on what type of character you want to portray him as. A bleak guy? good guy? nice guy? sexy? hillbilly? Doctor? I thin Caleb Elliot sounds good.a middle moniker might be too fiction dramatic.simple is always more realistic.
Inkheart series, dustfinger query specifically?
Why is Dustfinger so protective of Meggie? In the movie when Basta is about to threaten her Dustfinger grabs him and starts to set him on fire. Then after that when he sees her about to reach into the fire and verbs out the Wizard of OZ he stops her and grabs it for her. Is there...
The life of a social reject
Another arts school year. I should be overwhelmed. Like any other thirteen year old girl, I should be exuberant at the prospect of seeing my friends again after so long, but no. I have no friends.
I am what you would consider to be a social reject, catering to those who are believed to be more superior than anyone else in the academy. The popular crowd, if you will.
Though, if you think aboout it, looks and money are all they've got. Why, I've get more talent in my little finger than they have in their full body, though, of course, I wouldn't want too gloat about it too much.
They have everything I can just dream of having. Beauty, wealth, popularity, and so on. They could just gain on with their lives, basking in the glory of have what they do, but no. They keep themselves content by making everyone's lives a living hell.
All I could ever want is to be beautiful. To be breathtakingly divine to the human eye. To be more exotically pulchritudinous than any movie star, or even better, to be incomparably radiant to any woman in existance, but unfortuantely, it won't be taking place any time soon, so it's basically no point getting my hopes up, even though I find myself doing so most of the time.
Standing by my locker, I see the most popular girl in school, Kaylancy Wright, surrounded on any side by her so called "friends", and strutting her way past a group of girls, whom, logically, would be considered to be inferior to her, by her.
"Nice dress, Kay!" A small, pale brunette, with thick eyeglasses, compliments her on her soft pink attire, obviously bought from an affluent designer store.
"Nice face" Kay retorts. Her friends cachinnate, and their laughter is loud, convulsive, and unrestrained. I gaped. The bravery of such people. The poor girl looked crestfallen, as if left spiritually deflated in a one-time attempt to please the queen bee.
Answers:
you used the phrase 'but no' too often (i know it's individual twice) and it sounded a little repetitive. i also think that some words were a touch unfit for the paragraph and obviously from a thesaurus (nothing wrong with a thesaurus - i love them - but dont go overboard) as some of your writing is typical, then some over the top. i think the word pulchritudinous should be changed. no-one except either elder people or those who do latin would probably even know what it means if it were within a different context. the sentence: Standing by my locker, I see the most popular girl in school, Kaylancy Wright, surrounded on either side by her so call "friends", and strutting her way past a group of girls, whom, of course, would be considered to be inferior to her, by her.- is too long. the ending two words should be cut out as they are completely useless. also, cachinnate should be changed to roar with laughter or cackle. instead of: Her friends cachinnate, and their enjoyment is loud, convulsive, and unrestrained, it could be: her friends cackle, their laughter deafening and unrestrained. i muse it should be 'the nerve of SOME people, rather than SUCH individuals.
from the second and third paragraph, your character becomes shallow and unlikeable, which is the worst thing for a leading character to be. this is because she says the following things: 'I've got more talent within my little finger that they have in their whole body'. it's cliche, shallow and degrading. another shallow, unlikeable item is: All I could ever want is to be beautiful. To be breathtakingly divine to the human eye. To be more exotically pulchritudinous than any movie star, or even better, to be incomparably radiant to any woman in existance. the 'popular' girls is such a cliche as well. i believe that, contained by your case, the thesaurus has been overused.
apart from those things, its moral. your style isnt bad.
please answer mine
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
Dee Source(s): fellow writer.
It's full of character for your age, but please don't choke the reader with long words you've plucked for the dictionary!!
But it's good!
Although one question:
where on earth is it going?
Please don't say its another teenage love story book! haha,
x Source(s): me
I think this is really good! I love the way it is written and the channel the girl in the story shares her desires and opinions on things. I like the track at the end it shows what the popular crowd are like and how ignorant they are to those to acclaim them. I think I agree with Mr Qqqq with the track you use words that are very long and confusing. But other than that I think you hold a great chance in writing!
I am also thirteen and I love to write stories.
Here is some of what I have written, it is no where on earth near as good as this though!
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind…
Hope I could help =)
Ok so i have been posting on YA and getting great answers yet when I posted on a site forum next to editors and authors I got so many helpfull hints and stuff to make it ultimate. I honestly recommend going to writers.net and joining the forum. I personally though though your story was great, outstandingly interesting and very well written.
Best Luck!
xCx
wow thats beautiful. keep up the writing. write every hours of daylight when you can. maybe get a diary and write in it every time. writing every chance you get will make you a better writer. well brought-up luck
you like adjectives don't you?
Remember, a word that no one know the definition to off hand will turn away some readers. There is no entail to use words like "cachinnate" really ... well... ever. even my profs would have written "find a simpler word." subsequent to that one. You have a very firm grasp of the languagew and I couldn't have guessed you be thirteen if you hadn't said something. You wrote something I would never pick up on purpose, but I would read it if I came across it by chance. Your topic is something I own no interest in, but I actually read what you wrote. You have talent, merely use straightforward language whereever possible.
okay i laughed at the facade part. i'm 13 also, i can't help it.
me being immature also i know EXACTLY of the popular girls. last year there was this group of girls who would literally dominate this one table contained by the caffeteria and if anyone sat in one of the girls' seat they be either cussed out or stared at by onlookers until they nervously shuffled away. LOL. luckily, this year they adjectives got separated. *snickers*
okay, about the story now. i presume its very good. i can sypathize for this character a bit. i'm not an entire social outcast but at my out-of-date school i felt like it sometimes. i other wanted to be popular but somehow was always stuck contained by between. i know now to just accept doesn`t matter what and i'm SO much happier!
okay i must admitt, i was flipping through the dictionary as i read this. most regular people don't know what words like 'pulchritudinous' or 'cachinnate' money. i know i don't. heck i can't even pronounce them. simple words are good. you don't have to kill your dictionary and fry a few brains to nouns smart. good, readable writing is smart enough. thats my only critique though. big words be paid my head hurt!
also, i'd like to know what the main plot is roughly speaking. is it romance, drama, etc.? i'd very much like to know because good teen books that i in actual fact like are hard to come by. you ever read The Time Travelers Wife? not exactly PG 13 because of language, sexual content, etc. but it be a heck of a lot better than Twilight could ever attempt to be! if this is a romance please be as real and truthful as possible. teens romances never fail to royally piss me past its sell-by date. i don't know. they just...do. all that 'i love you' and 'your my wifey/hubby forever' crap is so fake. it isn't other like that. but i'm willing to hear you out for the sake of the evolution of teen romance novels! lol :D
hmmmm...okay im done. im a blabbermouth, i know. rock on 2 contained by citizenship!
Yeah, I dream up it's good. Impressive use of language, but don't try and be too clever and use difficult words pointlessly..if your reader has to progress and look in the dictionary all the time, they might not be happy. Yes, relatively impressive indeed for a 13 year old, but who are you writing for? It's a bit stuffy..try and include some humour and be descriptive of things, not always subjective or writing your point of vision.
However, the main thing is that you enjoy it. I started writing since I be about 7-8 and you need to be humble and accept that you enjoy a lot to learn, then you will boost all the time. Keep it up, keep copies of what you do, try and give some work to some empire whose opinions you trust, don't be discouraged by criticism!
it's good but you use purple prose. don't use ridiculously fancy words. also, the story is a little stereotypical. be in motion for more abstract ideas and themes. you don't have to initiate with plot, you could open with sentiment.
so in conclusion, it's good, but it needs some work.
Related Questions:
What's a polite middle and concluding identify for Caleb (book character)?
Caleb stoneballs. I guess it depends on what type of character you want to portray him as. A bleak guy? good guy? nice guy? sexy? hillbilly? Doctor? I thin Caleb Elliot sounds good.a middle moniker might be too fiction dramatic.simple is always more realistic.
Inkheart series, dustfinger query specifically?
Why is Dustfinger so protective of Meggie? In the movie when Basta is about to threaten her Dustfinger grabs him and starts to set him on fire. Then after that when he sees her about to reach into the fire and verbs out the Wizard of OZ he stops her and grabs it for her. Is there...