What do you come up with of my writing?
I'm 17 and i write for fun, wishing to get published one day. Tell me what do you presume of my skills.
The girl walked down the street. Despite the light of a some lamposts standing at the sidewalk, she could see nothing. The murk that surrounded the whole area was so strong, that the flickering pale light of a lampost couldn't overshadow it.
A few cars passed by her as she walked. She wished that she'd bounce at one of them and ask the driver to take her home, she was so afraid that someone might mug her at such a late time.
" why didn't Dad merely come to pick me up? I will never forgive him. " She told herself.
But suddenly as she turned into a narrow alley, she trembled and screamed, throwing her college books high up in the air.
" miow..." A small cat approached the girl's foot and stroked her head against her feet.
" hsh...." The girl waved next to her arm at the cat, " leave me,"
" miow..."
Prudently, the girl went on walking down the narrow nouns. Trying to hold her breath against the nasty smell of garbbage cans that stood on both sides of the redbrikced wall, she ran down the nouns.
But before she reached the end of the nouns, another cat appeared a few meters infront of her. She stood so stiffly like a statue, peering at the girl as she walked towards her.
The girl stopped and peered. Her heart began to hit as fast as a whip and she looked, wiping the sweat surrounded by her palm against her troussers, all around her, making sure that no one was following her within such a dark place.
Something made her feel that the cat might hurt her, but what could she do? she had no other bearing.
After thumping her feet twice against the ground, the girl plucked up courage and dashed down the alley.
" ahhhhhhh.......". she shrieked.
Her eyes widened at what she saw. It wasn't a cat that be waiting for her at the other end of the alley, but it was a late man's body.
Answers:
I like your story. Creepy at the end the but it's good. You should be a publisher! :)
honestly I see quite a bit of grammer flaws. Also like in this subdivision
" ahhhhhhh.......". she shrieked.
you could write something like She shrieked in paralyzing horror, at the sight which rolled into her trance.
Well, I'm sorry, you're sort of alright. Not like really great, but not horrible.
It has loads of grammar mistakes. I agree beside answer 1. "aaah...." she shrieked. wasn't so nice. Well I guess that's all I have to say.
It's ok so far. I of late think it needs more description.
Also take or revision the word Alley in the sentence
'But before she reached the pause of the alley' because you have got it in the later sentence in the paragraph above.
Change the word Peered from 'The girl stopped and peered' as again its in the sentence above.
Other than that i think you should simply describe a lot more. For example, what does the girl look like, what colour is the cat, you could also describe the alley more. You can also use a thesaurus to attain some different words. Good luck.
Well it's not bad, but I think you should make the girl into a legitimate character and then the reader can identify with her. Is here any reason she doesn't have a name?
It's get a good creepy vibe, but some things aren't consistent. First of all, how could she see nothing if in that are lights on? Unless there are a few spots where lights are burned out and in those spots she can't see. Also at the expire, how could she get a cat mixed up with a dead body? It might kind sense if the cat led her to a dead body.
She speaks rather formally, doesn't she? "Why didn't Dad pick me up? I'll never forgive him," she whispered to not a soul in particular.
She waved at the cat "Go away! Scat!"
Also don't use the word peered twice support to back. Try something like this.
Before she reached the come to an end of the alley, another cat appeared a few meters in front of her. It stood stiffly like a statue, peering at the girl.
The girl stopped and stared. Her heart begin beating and she wiped the sweat in her palm against her troussers.
Okay, a few problems here. First, how do we know the cat is womanly? Is it standing stiffly or walking toward her? What do you mean by quickly as a whip? Just describe those things and bring the reader into the moment.
It have a good, creepy atmosphere that I enjoyed - good luck next to it!
Related Questions:
Need lend a hand to find a fresh something like a mother who hurts her son?
i dont know the name of the book but i know that its about a mother who hurts her son by stabing him,burning his hand on the stove and making him throw up after university so he can starve does anyone know the book im talking about.
Isaac asimov's i-robot?
what kind of audience would it appeal to? scifi lovers? gender? age group? Those that love classic hard science fiction enjoy or will read this book. Yes more males than females but I read all of the good doctor's fiction and most of his nonfiction. Source(s): science fiction fan and librarian sci-fiIt is TRUE sci-fi, not just fantasy set...
The girl walked down the street. Despite the light of a some lamposts standing at the sidewalk, she could see nothing. The murk that surrounded the whole area was so strong, that the flickering pale light of a lampost couldn't overshadow it.
A few cars passed by her as she walked. She wished that she'd bounce at one of them and ask the driver to take her home, she was so afraid that someone might mug her at such a late time.
" why didn't Dad merely come to pick me up? I will never forgive him. " She told herself.
But suddenly as she turned into a narrow alley, she trembled and screamed, throwing her college books high up in the air.
" miow..." A small cat approached the girl's foot and stroked her head against her feet.
" hsh...." The girl waved next to her arm at the cat, " leave me,"
" miow..."
Prudently, the girl went on walking down the narrow nouns. Trying to hold her breath against the nasty smell of garbbage cans that stood on both sides of the redbrikced wall, she ran down the nouns.
But before she reached the end of the nouns, another cat appeared a few meters infront of her. She stood so stiffly like a statue, peering at the girl as she walked towards her.
The girl stopped and peered. Her heart began to hit as fast as a whip and she looked, wiping the sweat surrounded by her palm against her troussers, all around her, making sure that no one was following her within such a dark place.
Something made her feel that the cat might hurt her, but what could she do? she had no other bearing.
After thumping her feet twice against the ground, the girl plucked up courage and dashed down the alley.
" ahhhhhhh.......". she shrieked.
Her eyes widened at what she saw. It wasn't a cat that be waiting for her at the other end of the alley, but it was a late man's body.
Answers:
I like your story. Creepy at the end the but it's good. You should be a publisher! :)
honestly I see quite a bit of grammer flaws. Also like in this subdivision
" ahhhhhhh.......". she shrieked.
you could write something like She shrieked in paralyzing horror, at the sight which rolled into her trance.
Well, I'm sorry, you're sort of alright. Not like really great, but not horrible.
It has loads of grammar mistakes. I agree beside answer 1. "aaah...." she shrieked. wasn't so nice. Well I guess that's all I have to say.
It's ok so far. I of late think it needs more description.
Also take or revision the word Alley in the sentence
'But before she reached the pause of the alley' because you have got it in the later sentence in the paragraph above.
Change the word Peered from 'The girl stopped and peered' as again its in the sentence above.
Other than that i think you should simply describe a lot more. For example, what does the girl look like, what colour is the cat, you could also describe the alley more. You can also use a thesaurus to attain some different words. Good luck.
Well it's not bad, but I think you should make the girl into a legitimate character and then the reader can identify with her. Is here any reason she doesn't have a name?
It's get a good creepy vibe, but some things aren't consistent. First of all, how could she see nothing if in that are lights on? Unless there are a few spots where lights are burned out and in those spots she can't see. Also at the expire, how could she get a cat mixed up with a dead body? It might kind sense if the cat led her to a dead body.
She speaks rather formally, doesn't she? "Why didn't Dad pick me up? I'll never forgive him," she whispered to not a soul in particular.
She waved at the cat "Go away! Scat!"
Also don't use the word peered twice support to back. Try something like this.
Before she reached the come to an end of the alley, another cat appeared a few meters in front of her. It stood stiffly like a statue, peering at the girl.
The girl stopped and stared. Her heart begin beating and she wiped the sweat in her palm against her troussers.
Okay, a few problems here. First, how do we know the cat is womanly? Is it standing stiffly or walking toward her? What do you mean by quickly as a whip? Just describe those things and bring the reader into the moment.
It have a good, creepy atmosphere that I enjoyed - good luck next to it!
Related Questions:
Need lend a hand to find a fresh something like a mother who hurts her son?
i dont know the name of the book but i know that its about a mother who hurts her son by stabing him,burning his hand on the stove and making him throw up after university so he can starve does anyone know the book im talking about.
Isaac asimov's i-robot?
what kind of audience would it appeal to? scifi lovers? gender? age group? Those that love classic hard science fiction enjoy or will read this book. Yes more males than females but I read all of the good doctor's fiction and most of his nonfiction. Source(s): science fiction fan and librarian sci-fiIt is TRUE sci-fi, not just fantasy set...