For adjectives teenagers. what do you reflect on of my writing?
It was not the first time that I watched my parents fight. This time be different because I would have to sacrifice a lot for my life to turn on; I would have to be alone.
“I saw you with her,” mother roared, the veins over her décolletage sticking out. “You lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” Dad said, “I never loved you Marie, I…”
Dad pressed his lips and ran at the wardrobe. After exit the closet, he flung some old papers and underclothes behind him.
Father got to his foot holding a crumpled piece of paper.
“I wrote you that before I cheated on you.” He rammed the thesis at mama’s bony chest.
Mama began reading the letter. “I don’t love you,” Mama’s lips moved as she read. “I’m sorry, I’ll hold to leave.”
“I hate you too, David,” Mama yelled, tear the letter and tossing it at Dad’s face.
Mama turned her piercing look at me, her face red and stained near tears. She seemed like a raging lion who glimpsed a deer passing by.
“I even can`t stand you Noah.” She said, strolling towards me in her sleeping dress.
“Why do you hate me mama?” I said, standing at the door. “I have zilch to do with your problems.”
“No you do,” Mama said, “You’re this man’s son and that’s your problem.”
Mama clutched me from my shoulders, and with both hands, she begin shaking me back and forth. “I hate you all…” she screamed, “I can`t bear everyone. You’re all liars…”
As her tears fell over my face, I trembled in her hand like a helpless bird. “Mama, calm down.” My voice quivered as I cried and felt hot adjectives over my body, “I can help you.”
“Leave me alone.” She shoved me in the chest and I fell on my back.
I watch Dad as he slapped mama, spat at her, and then ran out of the house. It was adjectives over.
This is where my story begins.
( if you don't like the story, basically tell me what do you think of my writing style.)
Answers:
Well, for one point, the dialogue just doesn't seem too realistic. The lines seem to be like they were cut right out of a bad soap-opera, and are almost amusingly expressionless. Try to really give your characters an individual voice.
The lines about "I even hate you Noah" and the flash right after are the most problematic. Noah is talking like an adult who understand what he's seeing when he is really most likely a helpless child who has no idea what's going on. If you fix that, the personality will be more believable.
Hope my criticism helped. If you post another version, please send me a connect; I'd love to see it.
it very ubrupt but good, its really good actuall not something i would read but immediately that i have read a part of it i want to read more Source(s): i read a lot :)
I like the plot of the story. It is perfect and much better than anything I could ever do. Just a few little nit-pickin' things. Use a Thesaurus in your future writing, it helps profusely :) Good Luck! Source(s): My brain.
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“I saw you with her,” mother roared, the veins over her décolletage sticking out. “You lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” Dad said, “I never loved you Marie, I…”
Dad pressed his lips and ran at the wardrobe. After exit the closet, he flung some old papers and underclothes behind him.
Father got to his foot holding a crumpled piece of paper.
“I wrote you that before I cheated on you.” He rammed the thesis at mama’s bony chest.
Mama began reading the letter. “I don’t love you,” Mama’s lips moved as she read. “I’m sorry, I’ll hold to leave.”
“I hate you too, David,” Mama yelled, tear the letter and tossing it at Dad’s face.
Mama turned her piercing look at me, her face red and stained near tears. She seemed like a raging lion who glimpsed a deer passing by.
“I even can`t stand you Noah.” She said, strolling towards me in her sleeping dress.
“Why do you hate me mama?” I said, standing at the door. “I have zilch to do with your problems.”
“No you do,” Mama said, “You’re this man’s son and that’s your problem.”
Mama clutched me from my shoulders, and with both hands, she begin shaking me back and forth. “I hate you all…” she screamed, “I can`t bear everyone. You’re all liars…”
As her tears fell over my face, I trembled in her hand like a helpless bird. “Mama, calm down.” My voice quivered as I cried and felt hot adjectives over my body, “I can help you.”
“Leave me alone.” She shoved me in the chest and I fell on my back.
I watch Dad as he slapped mama, spat at her, and then ran out of the house. It was adjectives over.
This is where my story begins.
( if you don't like the story, basically tell me what do you think of my writing style.)
Answers:
Well, for one point, the dialogue just doesn't seem too realistic. The lines seem to be like they were cut right out of a bad soap-opera, and are almost amusingly expressionless. Try to really give your characters an individual voice.
The lines about "I even hate you Noah" and the flash right after are the most problematic. Noah is talking like an adult who understand what he's seeing when he is really most likely a helpless child who has no idea what's going on. If you fix that, the personality will be more believable.
Hope my criticism helped. If you post another version, please send me a connect; I'd love to see it.
it very ubrupt but good, its really good actuall not something i would read but immediately that i have read a part of it i want to read more Source(s): i read a lot :)
I like the plot of the story. It is perfect and much better than anything I could ever do. Just a few little nit-pickin' things. Use a Thesaurus in your future writing, it helps profusely :) Good Luck! Source(s): My brain.
Related Questions:
D: Story. Any lend a hand would be appreciated :]?
Hello, im having major difficulties with my story i finished it and it sounds appalling to me (worst story i have ever written) I was wondering if anyone could tell me what to fix on it. In the origination; life of the newlyweds Josh and Kalel seemed blissful to outsiders. But this...
I call for a correct book to read. Help?
So far this year, I've read Hunger Games and Catching Fire, the Shadow Children series by Haddix, and Twilight and New Moon. I'm a teenager and I'm into books such as these. Hunger Games is the best book I've ever read, if it matters. So what to read next! The rest of the twilight...